Should Have: Meditation on Failure and Forgiveness

I failed You today, dear Father, not once but several times!

I asked for opportunities . . .

. . . You gave them, but I failed!

Now that I am alone, I want to just sit and cry!

One girl noticed my bracelet.

“Does it stand for anything?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said, “it tells the story of the wordless book. Have you heard of it?”

“Oh,” she replied, “my mom taught me that when I was little.”

I should have said, “Well, what do you think of Jesus now?”

I should have. But I didn't.

Later, I asked a girl downtown, “What is this festival I overheard you saying you went to this afternoon?”

“It's a beer festival,” she said. “Lots of local vendors with free samples. You can go around and taste all sorts of really good beers. It was great fun!”

I should have said, “Wow, so you tasted some really nice things today. Have you ever tasted Christ? He calls Himself the Fountain of living water. He fills the hungry soul with good things! If you come to Him believing, He says your soul will never hunger or thirst again! Taste Him through His word. You'll find that He is good!”

I should have. But I didn't.

Dear Father, forgive me! Remember my frame, that I am but dust! I wanted to tell them of You, but my wit failed. I was not leaning on You. I was distracted, caught off guard.

Engrave these failures on my heart that they may serve as lessons and memorials! Lessons, for I know even more I need Your strength every moment! Memorial, for I have experienced Your gracious forgiveness yet again.

I stumble, yet You hold my hand, so I am not utterly cast down! You are not finished with me. You have helped me to my feet again!

Father, help me to remember that when I fail, Your Spirit will prevail!

. . . When I should have and didn't, You would and will!

I cannot relive those moments to say what I should have said. But I can pray earnestly for Your Spirit to speak those words into their hearts . . .

. . . those words I should have said but didn't.

And, Father, I hope and pray that someday, on the heavenly streets of gold, I'll look and see these souls to whom I should have but didn't. And I'll say to them there, “I should have told you of Christ on earth, but I didn't. So I poured out my prayers and tears before His throne for you. Now here you are! Where I have failed, His grace prevailed!”

Fully forgiven, fully restored, fully loved, fully assured I stand, up from where I'd fallen, grasping Your hand tighter than ever, ready to take another step!

Amazed . . .

Astounded . . .

. . . You should have let me go . . .

. . . But You didn't!